Thanksgiving brings family and food together in the spirit of abundance and connection. For families who have children with challenges such as anxiety or autism, this holiday can bring an added layer of stress.
Preparation
This can vary greatly based on your child. Ask your Occupational Therapist how else you can prepare.
Conversations with your child
- Use short descriptive sentences when talking about the day and how things will go.
- Look at pictures with your child.
- See pictures from last years Thanksgiving and talk about memories.
- If going to an unfamiliar family member's house, show pictures of the host and their house.
- Talk about the people who will be there.
- Discuss the kinds of food they may encounter.
- Review table manners.
- Draw/color pictures about the holiday.
Conversations with your family
- Have conversation with family members who don't know your child as well.
- Offer training. Ask if they're interested to meet with you to provide information about your child's diagnosis, what approaches work best, how to respond to behaviors etc.
- Resource on educating tantrums vs meltdowns.
- Sensory Meltdown Awareness Cards
- If you child doesn't like showing physical affection, let them know its nothing personal. Suggest an alternative interaction, like a high five instead of a hug.
- Discuss allergies with the host ahead of time. Plan for foods with allergens to be stored out of reach of the child to avoid them accidentally picking up the food. May need help from others to keep food put away.
- Consider if it works for your family to keep the TV volume low if loud sounds are a challenge for your child.
- Will decorations be a challenge for your child? Let the host know and see what can be worked out to prep the environment.
Schedules
- Determine how long your child will need to prepare for the holiday. Do they need a day's notice, a week, several weeks?
- Use a calendar to count down the days.
- Write out a timeline of events for the day (different from a count down calendar) and review the schedule with your child.
- Plan to arrive early. This way your child has a chance to acclimate before the noise or crowd heightens.
- Keep routines
- Is it possible to eat dinner at the usual time?
- Keep all other daily routines the same if possible. Prepare them if you can't!
- Do they always eat from the same plate. Bring their plate with them.
- Wash hands before meal.
Expectations
- Set ground rules: Define what will occur afterward certain actions.
- If the host has rules that are different than in your home (ex. takes shoes off), find that out ahead of time and prepare your child before arriving.
- Do you expect your child to remain at the table the whole time or may the ask to be excused?
- How do you want them to let you know if they need a break?
- Do you want to create a code word? A hand signal? An "I need a break card" they can give you?
- Help your child get really clear on how and who to ask for a break.
- Review situations they may be in where they need to request a break:
- Too loud
- Too many strong smells.
- Consider the holiday traditions your family has and how your child will interact with the tradition.
- Prepare an alternate activity if needed. Example: If your family watches the loud football game and thats going to be a problem for your child, plan for your child to do a preferred activity in another room during the game.
- Consider if your own expectations of your child are reasonable. Adjust if needed and help your child get on the same page with you.
- Consider expectations for other kids in the family.
- If your child has to eat their veggies before pumpkin pie but their cousin can eat the pie first - this could cause an upset with your child. Be prepared for how you want to navigate that situation.
Social Stories
Create or read social stories with your child to anticipate how the day will go.
- Thanksgiving Social Skill Story by Positively Autism
- PECs Images for Thanksgiving Board by Do2Learn
- Thanksgiving Social Story by Autism Speaks
- Thanksgiving Recipes by the Autism Helper
Practice
- Sit at the table with plates, lighting, and music on before the event. Use a napkin in their lap if that's expected.
- Use role playing and rehearsal to practice dealing with upcoming social situations. Ex. Shaking hands
- Try out holiday foods at home before trying them in a new environment. This can help them become more comfortable with them the day of.
- Visit the host before a week before the event to get used to the house.
- Prepare with food:
- Meal plan together: "Would you like mashed potatoes or potato casserole?"
- Invite you child to cook with you. Find tasks that they can complete based on their skill level. They may consider tasting the food during the preparation process. They may be more likely to try the foods later.
Travel
If traveling to family's home will be outside of your child's routine, discuss:
- Where you are going.
- How will you get there.
- How long it will take.
- How long you are staying.
- What games can you play in the car (Example: I spy)
- Make sure there will be food they will eat served. If you have a picky eater, it can be comforting for them to know there will be at least something they can eat.
- Noise cancellation headphones or ear plugs.
- Weighted blanket.
- Medicine that may impact diet (antacids etc).
- Comfortable clothes for your child.
- Consider what could match as a family if that is important to you.
- Sensory bottles
- Quiet Books
The Day of Thanksgiving
- Take photos for next year. You can make a memory book to help remember the things you did for next year's gathering.
- Use "First ____, Then _____" language.
- Assign your child tasks that they can manage to increase their participation with the family.
- When you see your child being "good" give praise and reinforce their behavior.
- Create your own stress outlet for the day. It's common for humans to say something in the heat of the moment that will effect others and escalate situations. Be reflective of you language.
- Set a timer on your watch or phone to remember to check in with your child.
- Watch for signs of anxiety or distress and be proactive about using strategies to reduce.
- Have an escape plan
- Consider making a certain room in the house the quite room in case they need quite. Talk with the host about this before hand.
- If the weather permits, a walk outside can be a great break!
- Encourage a trusted child or sibling to be their buddy and join them during quiet time.
- Identify who (spouse, aunt, etc) will agree to helping you monitor your child during the event and take turns.
- Express gratitude to your child, family, and self.
- Reflect on all the good moments you've experienced, no matter how big or small and talk about these with your family.
- Tell your family members who they are for you. Example: "Your kindness, no matter what the season, touches everyone around you. I'm so grateful that we are family."
Mealtime
- Use a visual schedule during the meal to prevent your child from rushing through the meal.
- For example: The first picture shows a fork with bite of food, then an empty fork back on the plate, then the child chewing, then the child wiping their mouth with a napkin.
- Limit the portion of food on their plate to help an over-excited eater slow down.
- Make food connections between new foods and preferred food through textures, taste, smells etc.
- Does you child typically fill up on snack ahead of time? Move foods out of sight to limit their access.
- You might need to ask family member for help with this (ex. put lids back on containers)
- Ask family members to help monitor the "snack zone".
- If impulse is a factor at the table...
- Have your child sit immediately next to you or another trusted family member who has agreed to support and reinforce.
- Plate food in the kitchen (vs. keeping servings platters on the table).
- Consider where your child is seated.
- Sitting at the end of the table could help buffer from potential sensory triggers (loud chewers) or being squished between people.
- If needed, arrange for your child to eat away from the group or before the event.
- Reduce anxiety around meal: Anxiety is a appetite suppressant (fight or flight is activated) and therefore will reduce the opportunity for your child to eat.